


I'm Sorry Rei-Chan

by Nowaki



Category: Free!
Genre: Cop Buddies Rin and Sousuke, Crime AU, Hostage Situation, Illegal gun use, It's very heroic, M/M, Nagisa puts a gun to Rei's head, Witnessed harassment, aka Thugisa beats up a dude that's bothering a girl, criminal activity, implied blowjob, mentioned sex, only the last chapter is mature, rating for last chapter, rating has gone up, the smut can be skipped!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:39:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nowaki/pseuds/Nowaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa is a wanted criminal posing as an astronaut in training that lives with his boyfriend Rei, who has no idea that Nagisa is anything other than what he appears.<br/>It's the best fake life he could have asked for.<br/>But Nagisa's feelings aren't entirely fake and that's a problem because Rei's probably never again going to trust Nagisa now that he's pointed a gun at Rei's head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Free Kinkmeme. You can find the original post and Prompt here: http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/3042.html?thread=4050658&posted=1#cmt4073186  
> Trigger Warnings for hostage situations and guns.

Rei would hate himself for dragging his feet on his way home after his last class. He usually liked to run a good couple of laps on his university's track field before he cooled down by jogging to the station. Today, however, he just wanted to embrace Nagisa until they were both too spent and tired to shower. He would never say as much but he was a man with desires like any other. After the day he'd just had, he figured he was allowed to be a little needy.   
Nagisa would understand. The astronaut-in-training seemed to have an endless supply of energy and could easily pull an all-nighter without any sort of caffeine intake. Rei had seen him do it numerous times over the course of the year they'd lived together.

Nagisa was on the phone when Rei got home, laying on his stomach with his legs kicking back and fourth. He gave Rei a big smile when he slumped down next to him.  
"Rei-Chan is home so I'll talk to you later, Onee-san!" He said and before the girl could answer he'd already hung up. He took a deep breath before saying, "welcome home."  
"I'm home." Rei answered. "You didn't have to do that just for me."  
"But, Rei-chan you saved me from another two hours of gossip!" He replied before rolling onto his back. "How did it go?"  
Rei's silence answered the question for him.  
"You'll get the equation right some day! And then you'll build the rocket that takes me to space." He said, laying a hand on Rei's leg. "This morning for class all we did was eat ice cream. Later, I have a class where I'm gonna float around."  
"When?"  
"Ah, one hour." He answered, eyes flicked sideways as he tried to remember. Rei's frown deepened even as Nagisa sprung up and hulled him up by his arm. "Plenty of time!"  
"Time for what?" Rei asked, pushing his glasses up from his nose.   
"A massage of course!" He said, leading them toward the bedroom. "That always makes you feel better!"  
Rei laid down without complaint or questions. He'd long ago learned not to bother when Nagisa put his mind to something.   
"Rei-chan, you're so tense!"  
"It was a rough day." He answered as Nagisa dug the heels of his hands into his back.   
Rei couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips. Nagisa always knew just how to work his body for a response. If the space thing didn't work out, surely masseur would be a good back-up. The back rub only lasted a few minutes, Nagisa making sure to ease away all his stress. 

"Rei-chan, turn over." Nagisa commanded, moving aside to give him room. His mouth was on Rei's the minute he was on his back.  
"I can skip class." He whispered against Rei's lips, dexterous fingers going to work on his buttons.  
"It doesn't have to take too long." He said, face turning red. "If you use your-"  
He turned his head to the side, unable to continue.  
"Rei-Chan! You kinky devil!" His boyfriend giggled. Nagisa was nothing if not giggly.   
Rei would have objected but it wasn't that kind of day. Nagisa was helping him out of his pants without compliant, he seemed to enjoy this type of things anyway. Nagisa was weird.  
Rei's pants were around his ankles when the banging started.  
"Police! Open the door!"  
Rei froze, eyes fixed on the bedroom door, thinking of the living room beyond. The door was likely shaking with the force of the blows. Surely there was a mistake being made. They had the wrong floor, the wrong building. What would the police want with a couple of college students?  
"What are you doing?" Nagisa hissed, a whirlwind of motion. "Get up!"  
There was a brief silence just before the escalation of slamming on his apartment door.   
"I'm sorry, Rei-Chan."   
He almost turned his head. He tried to, confused by Nagisa's words until he felt the cold metal against his skin.  
"Nagi-"  
"Get dressed." There was no humor in this voice, it was unfamiliar. Who the hell was this? What had he done with the bubbly-blonde Rei had fallen in love with?  
"I won't say it again." He threatened, one hand anchored on his shoulder. Rei could easily get away from him, if he really wanted to. Gun or no gun, Rei knew his reaction time. He knew what angles he could make use of and how to move his body. But this was Nagisa and despite the whole gun-against-his-head situation, he knew the blond wouldn't hurt him. Or at least, he thought he knew that.  
Maybe this was a dream? Yes, he thought, a stress dream! How else was he to explain his boyfriend having a gun? Normal people didn't own guns.  
Nagisa sighed. "Rei-Chan," he said softly. "If you don't pull yourself together, you'll be walking out of here without proper clothes."  
There was a crash. The bolt had given out, not that he had expected it to hold very long.  
He managed to have his zipper back up by the time the bedroom door was flung open. He wasn't sure how he forced his body to move, to cloth itself, when logically he had much larger matters at hand. However, as if he were on auto-pilot, he did. Silly thing really, to worry about your state of dress when there was a gun in your face.   
Rei would have to tell his friends, the biology majors. Perhaps they could explain the reasoning in that.   
Perhaps he would speak to them again. If the cops didn't put him away for life when they discovered a gun in his household.  
He was about to warn Nagisa that he should hide it but his brain was moving too slow. There were so many variables and none of them made any sort of sense. And the cops were already here, they could see the gun. They were talking, trying to make Nagisa put it down.   
"Just do what they say." Rei's voice cracked as he spoke. "Please."  
He recognized one of the cops. The red headed one went to the same bakery as he did. He was pretty sure he'd seen the black haired one with him as well, but he didn't come nearly as often.  
"You're both going to stay exactly where you are." Nagisa was explaining to them.  
"Just put the gun down and let's talk about this." The redhead spoke with an accent and a fleeting thought crossed Rei's mind that he should ask him about it next time they were at the bakery.   
Nagisa snorted, quite unattractively, and yanked Rei to his chest.   
"I don't feel like talking." He said, hustling them backwards.  
"There's no where left to run." The other officer sneered. "No one needs to get hurt."  
"What's one more person?" Nagisa asked, and Rei must have heard wrong. There was no way that made any sort of sense. He was hallucinating. There was no other explanation for this.  
"Kiiro, if you put the gun down now-"  
"You have the wrong person!" Rei shouted, "who the hell is Kiiro anyway?! Who names their kid after a color?"  
They stared at Rei as if he were the crazy one.  
"He's not the guy you're looking for! Just look at him!" He continued. He couldn't see Nagisa but he could feel his hand traveling up his neck, gun still digging into his skin. He opened his mouth again, but was silenced by a pinch and a "whoosh" sound. He was yanked backward and suddenly they were falling.  
He heard a police officer curse from overhead before they even landed.  
"I've always hoped that would work!" The cheerful, happy Nagisa was back. The gun had been stashed.  
"Rei-Chan, we're going to walk to the car and then you are going to drive until I tell you it's okay to stop." He half smiled, "you finally get to meet one of my sisters."  
"What car?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei reevaluates their relationship and whether it really meant anything.  
> Nagisa drives a get away car. Yes, they're still in Japan. No, Rei can't believe it either!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, the stunning addition to this crazy story!  
> Trigger Warnings for harassment and violence. No one is hurt, except a one-demential plot device. He deserves it.

"I never learned how to drive."  
Nagisa pouted and it was all Rei could do not to apologize to him. It was stupid of course, most people didn't drive. Especially when they lived in a city with great public transportation. Rei didn't even know anybody who owned a car.   
"Rei-Chan," he whined, "can't you just wing it?"  
"You're more likely to be fatally wounded in an automobile accident than by a shark."  
"Fine, I'll drive but don't try anything funny."   
"If I wanted to do that, I would have alerted the police to our presence in the elevator shaft." He remarked dryly. "Besides, I'm still trying to process this."  
In a way, it made sense. He would have never guessed Nagisa to be in such a dangerous line of work but it unquestionably fit certain aspects of his character. After all, he'd watched Nagisa take down at least three guys one night on their way home from a date. A group of men had cornered a teenage girl in an alleyway behind the cinema. Rei had shouted at them but had been ignored. Nagisa had stepped up to the plate by knocking two of the thugs' skulls together. He'd taken both fists to the ringleader's back, striking downwards in a way that rendered the man frozen in pain for several moments while the girl escaped his grip. His boyfriend had then jabbed him in the throat, he fell over unconscious while his gang ran away shouting insults behind them.  
He'd explained later that he'd learned self defense from his sisters, as a way to avoid kidnapping. Rei had believed him.  
There was also the time Rei found a huge stash of money in his underwear drawer. Nagisa had caught him in the act and after a couple awkward minutes of Rei insisting that he wasn't a pervert and that all his clothes were currently in the wash, he merely responded that Rei didn't need them.  
Rei had never gotten a chance to ask about the money, the night ended with them tangled up together. He didn't even remember to put his laundry into the dryer but he'd woken up the next morning with a pair of lacy, pink undies on his chest and a note that said Nagisa would be peeling them off him that night. Rei wasn't entirely sure how he got anything done with the little nymph always playing tricks on him like that.  
He didn't really mind it to be honest. He loved every moment of his life with Nagisa. The fact that Nagisa had been the one to pursue had always seemed to be a miracle. After all, how could someone so perfect want someone so far below their level.

Their meeting hadn't been anything special, they'd both been using wifi outside the main hall. Rei was reading about sublimation for his chemistry class and Nagisa was Skyping his sister. Rei hadn't meant to listen in, but it was hard when the other was talking so loudly.  
"I just can't seem to get the bloodstains out, Shiro! I've tried cold water twice now!" He'd whined. "I can't bleach them! They're peach!"  
"Well, not necessarily." Rin commented, without meaning to. "I'm sure a simple stain remover will work. Hydrogen peroxide maybe."  
The blonde had blinked at him a couple of times before mumbling a quick goodbye to Shiro.  
"Can you help me?" He asked, scooting closer to Rin.  
"I have clubs soon."  
The pout Nagisa gave him almost worked. Probably would have if he weren't already close to the track field.   
"Some other time. Or if you need help now, you could just try YouTube."  
Nagisa followed him to practice and then followed him back to his dorm building, gushing the entire time about how cool Rei's vaulting had been. He wasn't used to people giving him so much attention, especially cute boys.  
He spent weeks refusing to help Nagisa with his stain, afraid he'd disappear as soon as Rei's usefulness reached it's end. However, when he finally allowed himself to be hauled to Nagisa's, he found that the stain had already been taken care of.  
"I'm sorry, Rei-Chan." He'd said. "I just wanted an excuse to bring you home."  
"Why?" It was a valid question. People didn't just try to hang out with him, not without an ulterior motive.  
"I like you, Rei-Chan." He said quietly. "I understand if you don't return my feelings but I-"  
Rei laughed. It had been too good to be true. Nobody liked Rei Ryugazuki.   
"I'm not joking!" He declared, grabbing ahold of Rei's hands.  
"You have horrible taste." He finally said after a few seconds of silence.  
"But Rei-Chan is so cool! And strong and smart and handsome!"  
He had to stop himself from laughing again. How could Nagisa call him handsome when he was so much more!  
"I should be the one saying this to you, Hazuki-San."  
"You can call me Nagisa."  
"Alright, Nagisa-San." He said taking a breath, "I like you too."  
Nagisa's entire face lit up and he jumped in Rei's arms. That was their relationship in a nutshell: Nagisa jumped expecting Rei to catch him, and he did despite being at least three steps behind.   
The first kiss had been like that too. It was in the middle of the cafeteria while they ate Rei's homemade Bentos. He'd let Nagisa fed him from his chopsticks and then joked about it being an indirect kiss. Nagisa all but climbed over the table to steal Rei's first kiss out from under him.  
They'd both been so happy, and it had never really gone away until the police came knocking at their door.

"Was it all a lie?"  
Nagisa kept driving.

He thought when they moved in together after about five months of dating that he was the luckiest man alive.  
He hadn't seen the apartment until they moved in. In the back of his mind, he knew they would be sharing a bed but until he saw the creamy, yellow sheets and the light tie-dye pillow, it hadn't sunk it.   
Nagisa had already moved "the important stuff" in. Such as snacks and DVDs. His bedding had also been one of the necessities.   
Rei was nervous about sleeping together but after some sake, Nagisa's way of celebrating, it hardly seemed to matter. He woke up with Nagisa spooning him. It was the best morning of his life.  
He thought he knew for sure that Nagisa loved him the night he came home to candles and rose petals leading into the bedroom. Nagisa had fallen asleep waiting for him and Rei cursed having to work overtime. It had been torture to wake him up but everything that night had been worth it. Seeing those eyes light up the dim room. The way that shadows played over his bare skin as the flames danced. How he arched his back so far Rei was positive it would snap.  
How many times had they made love in the small apartment? How could Rei have forgotten? Sure, it wasn't all firelight and romance but even the quick, right-before-class sex or the sloppy, equations-are-kicking-my-ass-please-make-me-feel-better-kay-thanks blow jobs had never seemed anything but amazing.   
Nagisa always wanted to keep him satisfied and Rei wanted to keep him happy. They were both blissfully in love with each other. The sonnet writing and cherry blossom viewing picnics type of couple, even if they didn't do either of those things yet. Rei could write trillions of words about Nagisa's smile and it was only a matter of time until they packed their bento and went to see the sakura.   
Nagisa knew all his secrets, though there weren't many. He knew about Tsubaki, something that Rei had thought he would never tell anyone about.  
It was impossible for Rei to believe that the last year and a half had been anything but genuine affection.  
But he also never would have dreamed he'd one day have a gun pressed to his head while a couple of cops begged for Nagisa to spare him.

"Did you ever really love me?"  
The words seemed to shock him out of the lull of driving. He made a face.  
"Was everything a lie?" He asked again.  
"Yes." The response was bitter.  
Rei wasn't sure if he should argue or accept the fact that it only made sense. After all, he'd known from the very beginning it was all too good to be true.  
"I was born with a good face." Nagisa said suddenly. "It makes this work easier. No one expects the 'bishie' to be the bad guy. I've only been searched once after a hit. Most of the time, they bring me a snack and try to comfort me. I'm good at acting, one of the perks of growing up a street kid.  
"But one time, a cop did. He was really by the book I guess. Maybe he just had an old school 'everyone is a suspect' mentality. He only checked my bag and my pockets though.  
"A few fake tears were enough for them to release me. It usually is. Unless I'm feigning complete ignorance. The clueless, happy-go-lucky routine usually works too. Shiro also taught me this trick where you get blood on you and act like you can't remember anything. So like, they pass you off as a victim whose been scarred for life. The therapy it got me is actually what brought me to the university."  
"And what is it exactly that you do?"  
"I can't tell you that, Rei-Chan."  
"Why not?" He scuffed. "Haven't you lied to me enough? Don't you at least owe me one truth?"  
Nagisa pulled the car over. "There's a village less than a mile from here. You can go to the police there and they'll probably let you return home on the train."  
"What about you?"  
"I'm going ahead. I'll be gone by the time you get there so don't come looking for me."  
"You're really going to risk leaving your hostage?" Rei asks.  
"I can't take you out of the country with me, Rei. You deserve to finish school and build rockets and satellites. You're a smart guy, Rei. You're on the brink of discovery. You don't need all this mucking things up for you."  
Rei didn't know how he was supposed to react so he unbuckled and moved to open his door.  
"It wasn't all a lie." Nagisa whispered, making him turn his head. "I really did love you, Rei-Chan."  
"Then why?"  
"I loved you too much." He sighed. "I hoped that if I tried to live a normal life, stopped doing jobs, that we could be happy. I should have known the past would catch up to me eventually."  
Rei sighed before buckling himself back in.   
"What are you doing? Weren't you listening!" Nagisa whined, "I lied to you! I used you, Rei-Chan! You could do much better than me!"  
"Keep driving."  
"I can't do that if you're still in the car, stupid!"  
"Well then I guess we're not leaving."  
"Stupid, stupid Rei-Chan!" He shouted, "this is your chance! Don't you get it? You can't follow your dream if you come with me! I don't even want you to come with me!"  
"Lies."  
"It's the truth! Why would I want a loser like you hanging around when I'm trying to make my get away!"  
"You're not really leaving the county." Rei replied, casually. "You can't do that without them hauling you away."  
"You think I don't know that? That's why I'm going to my sister's first! Then I'm leaving!"  
"Which sister are we going to visit? Is she the one who specializes in fake passports?" Rei teased, a smirk on his face.   
"Rei-Chan!" Nagisa whined.   
"Whatever. Keep driving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro means White, and I've seen it used in anime so I'm hoping its not a terribly uncommon name. I'm on a greyhound bus with lousy wifi so I can't ask google without it taking 20 minutes.  
> Anyway, Tsubaki is revealed in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Yay!  
> It is super long, especially compared to the other two. Sorry.  
> The smut should be easy to skip if you aren't into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man this chapter was hard to write! Anyway, thanks again to the OP for the prompt! I loved writing this! Btw there's smut in this but I made it easy to skip! (:

"You didn't tell us you were bringing someone."  
A woman with electric blue hair crossed her arms and glared at them.  
"No need to be rude, darling." A warm voice called. "Go ahead and let them in!"  
"Fine." She sighed, opening the screen door but not quite letting them in. "Welcome home, brother."  
"I'm home! It's nice to see you too, Ao." Nagisa teased, hopping onto his tip toes to give her a hug.  
"Ao?" Rei asked, but he went ignored.  
"Kuro told us that you'd been compromised. I almost didn't believe it to be honest, but I suppose that's what happens when you start living with normal people." She turned her unyielding gaze on Rei alone, obviously believing he was the reason her brother was in this mess.  
"Oi, he didn't know anything." Nagisa protested, pouting. "Rei-Chan went into shock when the police showed up!"  
A sharp eyebrow quirked.  
"He's an excellent hostage." Nagisa said quickly, justifying his presence no doubt. "He slept most of the way here so he has no idea where we are and he's good at following direction."  
She hummed in acceptance, but the glare didn't let up.  
"Ao!" The sweet-as-honey voice came again, this time much closer. Footsteps cycled closer until an attractive redhead appeared behind Ao. "Come on, let our guest through."  
The other girl snorted and moved aside so the other could pass her by.  
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," the full figured woman gave Rei a hug which he accepted awkwardly. It wasn't every day a stranger pulled him into her arms.  
"I'm Aka, the middle child." Her voice was deep and sultry. "Kiiro speaks so fondly of you, I expected a happy announcement the first time we met."  
"Announcement?"  
"Oh, you know! The tying of knots, wedding bells, asking our Ane-San for permission." She sounded wistful. "Of course, Kiiro would have to beg me to attend. After all, he missed my wedding."  
Nagisa chuckled as they embraced each other quickly.  
"You're married?" Rei asked, sounding almost hopeful. "Does your husband know about all this?"  
The laughter that followed made him wince. He looked between the three of them, each a primary color, until Aka calmed enough to lift a necklace up and out of Ao's shirt. The golden wedding band glittered in the faint sunlight.  
"Oh," he said stupidly.  
"It's fine, we don't advertise." Aka laughed.  
"Makes work easier." Ao nodded.  
"So then, which of you is Nagisa's sister?"  
They laughed again and Ao gave him a hard slap on the back, "where did you find such a natural?"  
"So none of you are actually related?"  
"You know what?" Ao asked, "you can keep him, Kiiro! He ain't telling nobody nothin!"  
Rei pursed his lips together and pushed his glasses up. He hoped they wouldn't be staying with Nagisa's sisters too long, he couldn't survive all the giggling.

The house wasn't so much a "safe house" as it was the fever dream of some paranoid, eccentric bomb shelter. There were two underground stories and if the daytime noise was anything to go by, they were working on adding a third.  
Nagisa spent the majority of his time playing a video game with Ao. Rei himself wasn't keen on the whole thing but luckily Aka had an extensive library on the ground floor. Their house looked like any other you'd find in the small town they'd settled in, aside from the sub levels of course.

Dinner was a fifty dollar pizza and left over rice. Rei honestly wasn't sure which he preferred. Pizza wasn't something he had often enough to know if it had been worth the money the ladies of the house had shelled out. The left overs were also good, all things considered.  
The conversation over dinner was easier to comprehend than he expected it to be. They barely touched on "business" which consisted of Aka offering to buy Rei's plane ticket if Kuro didn't. Kuro was apparently the oldest and possibly in charge.  
Rei was surprised to learn Aka was in her late twenties. Ao had recently graduated from a university, having studied medicine. She was not at all passionate about it though and he was sure no one would hire a girl who dyed her hair such vibrant colors.*  
Ao didn't seem to like anybody or anything, which almost made Rei feel better about how she'd acted when they'd met. Aka on the other hand was a goddess, in both looks and spirit. He wouldn't be surprised if male suitors regularly lined up at their door. She was much friendlier than Ao, but that wasn't saying much. He couldn't understand what the redhead saw in her.  
They probably wondered what Nagisa saw in him.

"Rei, you can't come with me to the states." Nagisa told him as they got ready for bed.  
"Why not?" He asked, tugging on a pair of sweat pants. "Aka said she could make it happen."  
"It's dangerous and it doesn't suitor you."  
"Well maybe it doesn't suit you."  
The blond snorted unattractively, "and what? Space research did?"  
"Not just research, but travel. You're the type who goes out and does the impossible!" Rei felt his cheeks heat up. "You're too much for this world."  
Nagisa laughed as he crawled into bed. "I wish that were true."  
"Look, what am I supposed to do?" He asked, settling in next to the smaller boy. "Just walk away and pretend the past year and a half didn't happen?"  
"If you leave tomorrow, you can say that I let you go." Nagisa didn't meet his eyes. "You can graduate and do that T2K thing."  
"Nagisa, listen-"  
"No, you listen!" He snapped, "I'm going to hate myself for the rest of my life if I let you give up your dream to follow me. I can't live with that."  
"I can't just let you go!" Rei cried, in the verge of a breakdown. He figured he was entitled one given the past two days he'd had. "You are everything I ever dreamed of, Nagisa. Don't you get it?"  
"I thought everything you ever wanted was Tsubaki?"  
Rei was quiet for a moment before he answered, very quietly, "but you are my Taubaki."  
"I'm really not." Nagisa scowled at his blanket. "I'm nothing to waste a lifetime waiting for."  
"Nagisa, please." Rei cupped the other's cheeks and forced him to meet his eyes. "I love you."  
"Rei-Chan!" He half whined. "Don't make me say it now."  
"Now is the perfect time, unless you're reconsidering, it's our last night together." He leaned in, bringing their foreheads together. He wouldn't be able to do this again.  
He wouldn't be able to do a lot of things again.  
As if he'd read Rei's mind, Nagisa closed the distance between their mouths. His lips brushed Rei's gently for a moment before they simultaneously decided "to hell with it" and all softness was shoved aside in favor of making the most of their last hours.  
Rei's clothes all but disappeared, not that he was complaining that his only cling to modestly was a pair of briefs that already bore evidence of frequent use in such activities. Meaning of course that Nagisa had left stains on them. Typically he'd be about ready to replace the pair however it hardly mattered if he didn't have Nagisa. No one else ever saw Rei's underwear.  
It was stupid really. Everything was stupid but they were alive and Ao and Aka were in the very next room so they shouldn't be doing this. But here they were.

Rei wasn't sure where Nagisa got the small bottle of lube but it found its way into his hands anyway. Nagisa was crouched over him, knees on either side of Rei's hips.  
"Rei-Chan," he whined in a soft, needy voice that sent shivers down the other's spine.  
"Shhh, your sisters will hear."  
"They aren't my sisters." Nagisa protested opening the bottle himself when Rei hesitated. He squeezed a generous amount into his other hand before dropping the tube onto Rei's chest. He used his clean hand to hold his weight as the other made its way back to stretch himself open. Rei didn't need to see it to know he was rushing. Nagisa never took his time when allowed to prep.  
Unless he was doing it to Rei, something they'd only tried a couple of times. Nagisa was nothing if not an attentive lover. And that was likely what sped him now.  
He whined when Rei's hand joined his own and he easily let him take over. The fingers, not quite as slick as the previous, dragged a little on their way out and created new sensations. Rei was a lot slower and more careful than Nagisa needed him to be but it was far from bad.  
"Please, Rei-Chan," he panted.  
"Please what?" He asked, pausing so that he could adjust his glasses.  
"Ah, don't stop!"  
Rei rolled his eyes and used his dry hand to give Nagisa a gentle spank. He clenched automatically around the fingers inside him and Rei couldn't help his gasp.  
"I'm sorry, Rei-Chan," Nagisa said for what had to have been the hundredth time in the past forty-eight hours. "But I'm going to come it you don't hurry up."  
Rei's vision blurred and had he been in an anime, his nose would have squirted rivers of blood.  
He slipped his fingers out and let Nagisa take over. Rei wiped his hand off on the navy blue bed sheet but he lacked the presence of mind to feel guilty about it.  
Cool lube was dumped over his hot flesh and it struck Rei as odd until he realized they were in some super secret underground bunker. The room temperature was hardly the weirdest thing about this situation.  
Nagisa didn't give him long to ponder life's complexities before lowering himself onto Rei's cock. He tried to take it all at once, patience being the biggest virtue he lacked, yet only managed a couple inches at a time until finally Rei was buried.  
"Damn, Rei." He breathed, his voice much lower than usual, as he forced his body to relax before picking himself back up.  
Nagisa was beautiful like this, he couldn't help but think as he sank back down into his lap.  
Nagisa was always beautiful but it was times like this, when one was the least beautiful, that made him truly shine. Even covered in sweat and with tangled locks, he was attractive. He probably couldn't remember his own name right now, he was too focused on saying Rei's between nonsensical phrases, but his babbling wasn't a turn off. It was insanely enticing, this ruffled mess.  
And Rei loved him.  
Nagisa did most of the work but Rei made sure to keep up. His shallow thrusts were just that, shallow, but he knew how to position himself and when he got the angle just right...  
"Ah!" Nagisa gasped. "Rei!"  
His gut clenched and Rei wasn't sure if he could handle never doing this again.  
The thought was enough to keep him from coming too quickly. Nagisa was too far gone but it didn't matter so long as they had this short, messy connection. Nagisa came with a breathy "Rei" on his lips. He slumped down onto the strong chest below him and let Rei play with his disheveled hair.  
"Nagi," he started once things started to get painful.  
"Hm?" He replied in post climatic bliss.  
"Need to move."  
It took Nagisa a few seconds to understand but once he did, his face turned red.  
"I'm sorry-"  
"You're fine," Rei cut him off as he rolled them over. He shifted himself out of Nagisa who seemed only slightly pleased that Rei wasn't finishing inside him. Apparently it wasn't a particularly fun clean up. Rei usually tried to pull out beforehand or at least wear a condom in order to keep Nagisa happy.  
A few tugs and a tiny bite from his partner were enough to bring him over the edge, streaking Nagisa's already pale skin with white. 

"I love you, Rei-Chan." The other boy whispered as they collapsed into their bed, exhausted.  
"I love you too, Nagisa." He answered. He hated how right it felt that they exchange such words after intimacy, especially on their last night together. It will only hurt more, won't it, he thought. This had been a mistake. He should have gotten out of the car when Nagisa gave him the chance. Maybe then he wouldn't feel like wrapping his arms so tight around the smaller body beside him, as if to never let him go. He wouldn't be burying his face in the golden locks of hair, trying to commit the scent to memory. Having the shampoo bottle at their apartment would help but it would never be the same.  
He wished he could hate Nagisa for lying to him and using him in order to cover up his identity. Even if that meant being bitter the rest of his life.  
Anything would be better than the empty feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Nagisa was gone by the time he woke up.  
There was no note, or even a bittersweet goodbye kiss. Maybe that was for the best.  
Ao knocked on his door a short time later. She brought with her a cup of coffee which she offered him wordlessly. They sat in silence for a few moments, Rei in the bed and Ao on the dresser nearby, until she let out a laugh and hopped down to retrieve a pair of silk panties. On impulse, he snatched them out of her grip which she seemed to find even funnier.  
"I didn't know my brother wore things like that." She commented once her laugher cooled down.  
"It surprised me too, but not as much as it should have."  
"Yeah, I'm not exactly shocked."  
They sat together until Aka showed up and offered to drop him off closer to town. 

He didn't look at his phone until he got home. The police had gone through his messages, which he knew only because they cited something he'd sent two months prier.  
"I know this must be difficult for you." Officer Matsouka told him, giving him his business card. "If anything comes to mind or more likely, you need to talk to someone, give me a call. I can hook you up with a professional."  
Rei hadn't really planned on calling but he hadn't used the phone all day so he figured he might as well check his email and add the cop to his contact list.  
Of course, adding a number didn't necessarily mean he had to go through his list of contacts but he found himself looking at it anyway.  
Seeing Nagisa's name sent a fresh stab of pain straight through his breast.  
<3 Nagi~<3 was what the blond had changed his name to, making it the very first name. Rei always threatened to change it but he never did. It was convenient to have it at the top of the list, he reasoned.  
Right underneath it was an even heavier blow: <3 Tsubaki.  
He knew without question who this mysterious Tsubaki was.  
It was all so ironic, wasn't it? The thing he'd always wanted but could never have, what he'd wasted his adolescence dreaming of, that's what Nagisa chose to name himself after? Rei was tempted to call it, just so he could give Nagisa a piece of his mind but he knew it wouldn't happen that way. It would only hurt more to hear his voice. 

Sleeping in his bed was harder than he'd expected. He'd known the pillows would smell like Nagisa but everything in the apartment reminded him of Nagisa so why waste time sleeping elsewhere when the scent would be gone in a matter of nights.  
The memories were harder to fight with his nose buried in a pillow but it hardly mattered.

"Rei-Chan, what's this?" Nagisa asked, holding a crude drawing he'd found while unpacking their things.  
"Oh, that's a family portrait I made when I was young." Rei sighed. "My mom hid it in my luggage. I should just throw it away, but it would break her heart."  
"You were a terrific artist!"  
"No, not really. She drew it and I colored." He could feel the blush spreading over his cheeks. He had hoped to stash the picture somewhere no one would ever see it, but now Nagisa was studying it as if were a map.  
"It was just the two of you then?" He asked.  
Rei nodded.  
"I thought you told me that you never had a pet?" Nagisa continued, confused.  
"Oh, well it's kind of embarrassing." He chuckled nervously. "I always wanted a dog so I had her add it to the picture."  
"It says Tsubaki."  
"That was going to be my dog's name. I had it all planned out, I thought Tsubaki would be my birthday gift that year. Or Christmas. I asked for a puppy every year. I read about dog training and saved money for a collar thinking that if mom saw how hard I worked, she'd adopt a dog for me."  
"So what happened?"  
"I stopped asking." He shrugged. "I was probably fifteen when I realized it wasn't going to happen. I'm sure mom would have loved to get me a dog but she was a single mother and keeping us both fed was hard enough."  
"I'm sorry."  
"It's not a big deal." Rei said, mostly to reassure himself. His eyes were getting watery without him meaning them too.  
"Hey, you know what?" Nagisa asked, seeing through him as always. "I think we should get a guard dog after we finish school. Think of it as a graduation present to ourselves!"  
"Our building doesn't allow animals."  
"We can move to another building then!"  
Had it been anyone else, Rei would have sighed and told Nagisa that he was putting too much thought into something that wouldn't come to be. But this was Nagisa and if he were told something was impossible, he'd do it just to prove otherwise. So instead Rei smiled and said, "okay." 

Rei sniffled and hugged the pillow to his chest as plump tear drops began to journey across his cheeks to drop onto the bed from beside his ears.  
Somewhere along the way, Rei had traded all his dreams and ambitions for a spot at Nagisa's side. He'd lost himself in the other boy and it felt as if part of his soul had fled with him.  
Deep in his chest, he could feel the same soul crushing pain he first experienced when he was a teenager, discovering he would never have a dog named Tsubaki. It wasn't his heart necessarily, but something even closer to his core. Heartbreak seemed to describe it but it wasn't entirely accurate.  
The logical side of his brain took over, distracting him from noticing the blue stain on the bed where Nagisa spilled a disgustingly sweet slush drink while they watched a live action movie about two boys who fell in love over the course of a week.  
And then there was the rip in the quilt Rei's mother had given him, mended by Nagisa. He'd kept stabbing himself by mistake with the sewing needle. It was several times the size of a normal one, since it was meant for a much more dense material, and it didn't break the skin but it left tiny bruises that kept Nagisa out of classes for a week. He'd been miserable but Rei took care to bring home all manners of sweets and so it wasn't too bad.

"I miss you."  
"I still love you."  
"When did you put this number into my phone?"  
"Why are you tempting me like this? You know how much I miss you."  
"Why don't you ever contact me? I don't want to be the first to do it. I'm not that pathetic! That's why I'm writing you now, to tell you how pathetic it is that you're making me do this when you're the one that left."  
"You could have said goodbye."  
"Do you miss me?"  
"How come you aren't calling? It's been a week and I miss your voice."  
"I love you. Please come home."  
Rei deleted the messages before he sent them. There were so many possibilities and so much that could go wrong. He hated being the one to initiate communication but Nagisa probably felt the same way.  
"I forgot to eat again today." Is what he finally sent his new contact, Tsubaki. He got an answer twenty minutes later:  
"I'd send you the soup I just made but the post won't take it. I asked."  
It was such a Nagisa type thing to say that he couldn't help but laugh out loud.  
"How are you doing, Tsubaki?" He sent back, adding the name as a last minute thought. He wasn't sure who was looking at his conversations. If they still were or had been at all.  
"I'm tired from running. Track is intense at N university. You?" Nagisa was playing along, which was good. He probably knew how this stuff worked.  
"Good and bad. Graduation is in a month and I was already offered a job. But my gf left me."  
"I'm sorry to hear that. What day is graduation? I might be able to make it."  
Rei forgot to breathe for a few minutes as he blinked at the words. Graduation wasn't dangerous, there was going to be a million people and surely the cops had no reason to show up. But this meant seeing Nagisa again and that in itself was dangerous.  
He wanted nothing more.  
"It's a long train ride isn't it? You can sleep on my spare futon like when we were kids."  
"I haven't seen you in years and it sounds like you need a friend to take you drinking. I don't mind the spare futon. Now what day is it?"

Nagisa, or Tsubaki now, looked like a completely new person. His hair had been straightened and pulled back in a bun. That wasn't what changed him though. What really made his disguise work was the dress and heels he was wearing.  
Rei would not have known he was a male if he hadn't lived with Nagisa for a year. He probably wouldn't have even spotted him if he hadn't approached Rei before the ceremony to give him a quick kiss on the cheek and whisper, "I'm your childhood friend Yamamoto Tsubaki. I am exactly one year younger than you and I sell flowers."  
"I've missed you so much," Rei said once Nagisa let him go.  
"I missed you too, Rei-Chan."

"We can't stay at the apartment. Someone might recognize me." Nagisa told him over drinks later.  
"Are you leaving then?" Rei asked glumly.  
"I just got back into the city! I'm not leaving yet." Nagisa assured him. "I thought we could stay at a love hotel. I know it's not ideal but it would give us more time."  
"Not a problem, Tsubaki-hime." Rei teased. Nagisa groaned. "What? Friends call each other stuff like that as a joke. It's fine."  
"I don't want to be Tsubaki-hime." Nagisa whined.  
"Fine." He answered. "Tsubaki-kun."  
"Ugh! I knew I shouldn't have made you senpai."  
"I love you." Rei whispered, placing his hand over Nagisa's.  
"Yeah. I love you too."  
"I don't want you to leave again."  
Nagisa sighed, "I'm sorry, Rei-Chan, but it's the only way. I want you to follow your dreams. You deserve to get at least one of them."  
Rei shook his head, "what about your dreams?"  
"I'm going to America. Not quite outer space." He laughed. "I can't take you with me, it's much too risky. Besides, it's not fair to you."  
"I know you think leaving me here is for the best but what if none of it matters?" Rei asked. "What if I don't care about space unless you're up there?"  
"I thought-"  
"Look, I discovered something when you left. My dreams mean nothing if you're not going to be beside me." Rei met his challenging gaze straight on. "Even if it all goes the why I planned, I'm not going to be happy unless I'm with you. So sure, go ahead and leave but I'm going with you."  
"Rei-chan, it's not safe for someone like you."  
"That's why you're going to give up this organized crime thing!" Rei hissed. "I know you don't like it. I know you actually wanted to be an astronaut. So why should you have to give that up? We can both follow our dreams together, or not at all. But no matter what you decide, I'm going with you because I can't do it without you."  
"Can't do what? What can you possibly need me for?"  
"Anything. Everything. I don't know, but I feel, I guess, empty when you aren't there. I don't think I can go another month without you."  
"It's not easy for me either!" Nagisa snapped. "You think I wanted to leave you without saying goodbye? You think I want to leave my home forever?"  
"No." He answered but Nahisa wasn't finished.  
"I don't want to go either, idiot! But sometimes you have to do things like that. Besides, it's not like Hazuki Nagisa was ever going to space. I used a fake name when I applied for the university."  
"Wait, you mean they don't know your real name?" Rei asked.  
"Exactly. Why do you think the police called me by my code name? They knew I didn't apply with the correct name."  
"So, who all knows your real name?"  
"Just my family, and you I guess." Nagisa smiled. "The police have no idea who I am. Unless you told them my name?"  
Rei shook his head, "they kept asking questions about 'Kiiro' so that's how I answered them."  
Nagisa laughed. "Oh, Rei-Chan, you really know how to make things easy."

2 Years Later.  
"How's it look up there, Tsubaki-hime?"  
"Looks almost as nice as your ass in those jeans you wore to the gallery last month, Nelson!" Nagisa shouted. The room burst into laughter while Nelson turned red as Mars. "Nah, it looks great. Can't see the Great Wall of China though, so that's disappointing."  
"That's on the other side of the planet."  
"Yeah, and I said I couldn't see it! Now you're disappointing me, Nel. Get Rei over here!"  
"I'm here." Rei said, scooting closer to the mic. "How are you?"  
"Better now that I'm not talking to an idiot." Nagisa told him in Japanese. Not that nobody else could understand, at least half the room could, but it was just another way of teasing Nelson, the guy assigned to the com.  
"Okay, tell me honestly. How is it up there?"  
"Awesome." He answered. "Thank you, Rei-Chan."  
"Thank Nelson, he's the one who got us into the program."  
"Without you, I'd have never thought I could do this." Nagisa argued. "Besides Nelson loves me, there's no need to thank him constantly."  
"I'm standing right here, you know." The man in question informed him.  
"It seems my headache has returned." The blond lied. "Talk to you later, gator!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended a lot better than I thought it would. I was going to cut it after graduation but... Rei outsmarted me I guess. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Ao means blue, Aka means red. An Ane-San is a respectful name for an older sister however it is also what underlings call their yakuza boss's wife. However in this case Kuro (which means black) is called this out of respect and to hint at their connection to organized crime.  
> *I personally love unnatural hair colors but I think Rei would find it tasteless for a professional.  
> *Ironically my brain picked out the name Tsubaki, a name I'd heard in anime. When looking it up so that I could remember which show it was from (there's a Tsubaki in Soul Eater but I was trying to remember where I'd seen it before) I discovered the name meant "longing" and "waiting" which sorta fits... Let's just pretend I picked the name on purpose as foreshadowing! lol

**Author's Note:**

> Kiiro means Yellow. It's a stupid name but whatever.


End file.
